CT (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
liesdontfindyou) wrote2021-02-16 10:00 pm
liesdontfindyou) wrote2021-02-16 10:00 pm
Entry tags:
Databurst IC Contact
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$freebird
I'll get back to you.
text | audio | video | action
(src)
$freebird
I'll get back to you.
text | audio | video | action
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"The pink was a great color on you. I might have to try coding to color my hair--it won't take dye, unfortunately. Also, when Mono and I plan the Trojan Housewares fashion show, I'll have to invite you to come model with us."
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She really hopes her face isn’t starting to get warm, but her heart-rate certainly spikes another notch.
“I’d like that, that sounds like fun,” she says, clambering back onto her bed. She doesn’t sit right back behind the laptop, even if it’s close by, perching at the edge that faces the other bed. “Gil was telling me I should get some more clothes, since I have so much closet space here. Maybe I actually should, break the brown up a bit.”
She genuinely likes brown, and it suits her, but wearing only brown is very much a holdover from the Project.
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Coda lies belly down on 'their' bed, supporting their chin with their hands, kicking up their legs.
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“Okay, that sounds adorable. We definitely should, I haven’t done a lot of poking around the stores there, first because of the soup kitchen, then those fake recordings warded me off... but if there’s normal stores, we may as well make the most of it.”
Her eyes rest naturally and casually on them, on them getting comfortable and their bright PJ pants, her lips never quite falling from an easy smile.
“If we’re heading into summer I should get some dresses, I think. What I’d really like to find is somewhere to get at least one other knife, but that feels rather niche.”
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Coda laughs. "But yeah, we can find you some dresses."
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“A thigh sheathe’s not a bad idea, actually; I haven’t had a good way to carry the knife I do have, my armour has the mag-points but, well, they’re no use unless I’m in it, and that’s not happening again any time soon.”
God, what an emotional wringer of a month.
“I don’t know if Gil told you about what happened with that. I told him to warn you I might be late to the soup kitchen the next day, but...” she shrugs. “I’m fine, so don’t worry, but it’s probably better if you know in case circumstances ever do mean I have to wear it again.”
It’s one of multiple things she should tell them, she knows. Each for different and yet the same reason.
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“I said I’d show him my armour and holographic projections, since the tech behind them both is actually very cool. He took me up on it, didn’t push me or anything, and I... well, I thought I could handle it. Wearing the armour again, after... you know.”
Her eyes flick over to the armoire where the armour’s stored, then back to Coda. She picks at the edge of the bedsheet.
“It felt wrong from the second I put it on, but I tried to muscle through. Almost did, until I tried to run a projection and... I freaked. Full on panic attack. Totally incoherent until Gil managed to find skin and use that new power of his. I was fine, after, besides being exhausted and having a headache, but... yeah,” she smiled almost sheepishly. “Turns out I cannot handle it, not for long anyway.”
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She smiles properly at them, gently. “He was great, he sat and talked with me after, about... death, stuff. It helped. I’m going to maybe see about repairing the armour anyway, in case, but... yeah, hopefully not. Hopefully no one,” them, specifically, “will ever have to see me that messed up again.”
She stretches her leg over to bump the edge of the mattress they’re on with her foot, then shifts how she’s sitting again, legs up under her.
“It... it got me thinking about things, if nothing else. Well, it wasn’t only that, there was... a lot going on, in those couple weeks, but...” she shrugs, as if her heart hasn’t started to pick up its pace again, fluttering rapidly in her chest.
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She reaches back and takes the hand without a word, shuffling forward but not immediately following her instinct to join them on the other bed, to seek that closeness.
“There’s... a few parts to all of this. I’ve been thinking a lot about what being here in the city means, for me; about... about everything that’s happened here, what being here’s given me, who I am here.”
She breathes out slowly. Organises her thoughts. Where to start... what to say... she’s thought about all of this endlessly over the last couple of weeks, but articulating it all is harder with them right there, their hand in hers.
“I’m... I’ve told you before that I feel... I feel more me, with you, right? Like I can just be me. Be... known,” CT says, as Connie squeezes Coda’s hand. “And... and I think— I think I’d like it if you started calling me Connie, when we’re on our own. It’s... it’s my name, it’s who I was before I became CT. It’s who I feel like when I’m spending time with you.”
Her heart flutters faster and god, how is it she feels so amped up already when that’s the easy part of all of this?
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"Can I move over to that bed with you?" Even without Gil's power of touch empathy, closeness is going to help here. They want to be right there with CT...no, with Connie.
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Hearing that name, her name, on someone else’s lips for the first time in years, on their lips, is almost enough to make her forget how to breathe. It feels... right. To be that. To be Connie.
CT— Connie nods, giving their hand another squeeze and then a gentle tug as further affirmation. They can join her. She even shuts the still-open laptop and pushes it far out of the way.
Letting them move over gives her time to gather her words again, too.
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"I've been thinking about things sort of like that lately. Kind of because of Artemis disappearing, you know? Because...there's things I didn't say to him. That I wish I had."
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Her heart about does a flip in her chest as she nods with understanding. Yeah, things like that; things you have to say before they’re gone, or you’re gone—that’s what scares her, that she’s only here as long as the simulation is. That there’s a countdown ticking down somewhere she can’t see it.
“Yeah. Yeah. I want... I want to make the most of this time I’ve been given.”
One hand raises briefly as if to reach out and touch their face, but she hesitates again; she wants to get this all laid out, first. Let them make a choice with all the information, not half.
“...after Church found that fake conversation, I... realised I’d been lying to him by omission, ever since he got here. I know things about him, and I should have told him from the start, and... and it reminded me that honesty’s still an effort, for me, you know? And it’s easier with you, too; I’ve never lied to you. I wouldn’t, not even little things, and yet there’s this... big thing, huge thing, that my fears wanted to lock away.”
She finds their hand again. That’s a good compromise.
“But I can’t do that. Fear or not. I can’t hide something so big from you.”
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They think they might have an idea where this is going, but the words matter. And they're going to have to work out some things as well--after all, Coda's sort of entangled with Gil and Bugsy, and not sure how that'll sit with Connie.
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Connie finds herself holding her breath until she makes the conscious choice to stop, to breathe evenly again. She focuses on the familiar chill of their hand against hers and, finally, oh so quietly, vulnerably: “...I love you. And— And I know that’s a strong word, that no matter how you feel that it may be too— intense, to say so soon, but I don’t have another word for it that doesn’t feel... inadequate. God, even realising that’s what I was feeling at all took Wash feeling it and telling me, I just knew you’re important, that I care about you so goddamned much and— what else can I call that? So, yeah. I— I love you, Coda.”
She can’t help but look away from their face, nervous as she is, but she never let’s go of their hand. There’s an intense sense of caring even in just that, the steady way she holds on.
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"Now the more complicated piece: what do you want to do about that?"
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The utter lack of hesitation visibly catches Connie off guard, eyes wide and stunned—she’d mentally braced herself for the worst, because if you’re prepared for the worst it won’t hurt so badly, and left herself unprepared for the opposite.
For them to actually feel the same.
“...I honestly didn’t think I’d get this far,” she says, and it comes with the giddy edge of a joke, even if it’s half-true. She’s looking at them again, now, expression surprised and soft. Usually so much more eloquent than she’s been here, her tongue ties itself in knots. “I— wow. Um. I’d like to be with you, if you’d like that. In... in whatever way works, for us. I want you in my life, Coda. Whatever that means.”
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Connie's honesty is returned in kind; Coda knows better than to try to hide any of this from any party in this...web? Network. This thing they're building that makes them feel warm.
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Connie nods, no hesitation and no question. “Yeah, alright. I have no problems with any of that if they don’t. I know they’re important to you, that they look after you, and it’s not like we hate each other, that’s... that’s fine, Coda, that’s good.”
And she means it, like she means everything she says to them. It’s good.
“I—” her only other concern comes separately, and the nerves return, more subdued than before. She doesn’t look away this time. “The only thing that worries me is I... I truly don’t know what happens to me when we get everyone out of here,” when, not if, because she has to remain determined that they will, “I can’t guarantee anything past the city, but... but that’s what we were saying, right? Saying it whilst we can. Whilst we’re together.”
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They squeeze gently on Connie's hand to prove the point.
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The knot of tension that had worked its way between her shoulder blades unravels and falls away. She squeezes their hand back, then, only a little nervously but so very gently, coaxes their joined hands up so she can kiss the back of theirs.
Her last relationship was far from soft and easy, and she knows even this soon that this, the way things have been with Coda, is the kind of relationship she actually craves.
“Yeah," she takes a deep breath in, then releases it, letting the meaning behind the words settle in her. "Yeah, you’re right. We’re here right now and that’s what matters.”
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"I'll need to tell Bugsy and Gil about you, but that's not going to be an issue. We could have you over to join us for dinner sometime--there's always a pot of soup on. Two pots, but don't touch the smaller one unless you're feeling really fearless."
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